Do you know that moment when you decided to take a break, without leaving primary responsibilities behind? This for example means still going to work and my home responsibilities are still conducted, but saying no to any church responsibilities that isn’t just attending church and attending every community event and helping everyone that asks.
Realization – The Moment You Knew You Needed It
Recently, I have been trying to do everything, and I have mistakenly made myself a reliable person for a lot of different things: church committees, fun activities to try, blogging, and journaling. Slowly, I started feeling like the walls were closing in. I couldn’t keep doing short films and monthly day trips.
I have reached the point of breakdown before, and I see the signs coming. Feeling stressed and anxiety creeping in. Feeling like I have too many ideas in my head and trying to fix everything. A Sunday morning where I should be happy, but I felt like I had too many things on the list and on the docket. A Sunday that isn’t holy, but heavy.
My first time feeling like I was heading towards a breakdown was when I dreaded going to church because I knew what was waiting for me was responsibilities: to do announcements, talk, and do something for the congregation. As soon as I felt the dread and then the guilt for feeling that way, I knew I was heading for a breakdown. It was also the time I looked at my calendar and canceled the fun things I had because my brain couldn’t process.
Being a yes person is exhausting; it is annoying. Feeling sad when a person calls you because you know they will be asking you to do something. Not finding happiness in happy people anymore.
Redefining Rest – What the Break Actually Looks Like
Let’s get down to the nitty gritty. This rest is not about going ghost or stopping things that make you happy. It’s about choosing yourself and what is in your best interest. It not about shutting down. because that would be a BREAKDOWN
My break is:
- a time to re-evaluate my priority
- not about neglecting work or home.
- declining extra responsibilities.
- giving yourself permission to attend church without serving every week.
- about taking a breathe
This is a balance, intention form of self care.
The Guilt and the Growth
I felt guilty when I said no the first time, and I still feel uncomfortable when I say no. Now I feel anger towards the people who put me in the position to say no and feel the guilt. I feel frustrated that even after saying no to one thing, that same person will ask about something else. Or they will push for me to help fund something when I have strictly mentioned how I am saving for something.
Many feel disappointed in me for saying no and do not acknowledge the fact that I have been doing a lot. Or they act like they understand and urge me to push forward and continue on the same path, or they basically try to connect me saying no to me giving up or failing to be a friend, a Christian, and that makes me feel even more on edge.
Once I get over the feelings I have when I tell people no, or even when they respond with something that puts me off, my emotions shift to something calmer because I officially tell them off and strongly advocate for myself.
What You’re Learning in the Quiet
What I have learned in this break is that being in attendance doesn’t mean I have to actively participate in anything. Also, being in attendance, I have truly enjoyed the things that I have done. When participating, I never enjoy things that I have an active role in because it feels like I am working.
My schedule doesn’t have to be full or packed. It is more meaningful for me to pick what I will be a part of and save my energy for doing things that will only benefit other people.
Planning the actual things I want to do and giving myself time between events and extracurricular activities helps peace and productivity coexist.
Closing
Maybe it’s time for your version of this break. The kind that doesn’t burn bridges, just builds boundaries. I can guarantee you, if I don’t take breaks and continue reevaluating myself and boundaries, I just might burn bridges to escape.
I’m going to leave you with this: consider coming up with your break routine. What will stop and what needs to continue? Also, what is becoming a hindrance in your life and what you might need to eliminate from your life.